Humor: August 2004 Archives

You are very wise, humble and pious, Katherine...
from this day forward you will now be known as the holy Reb Nota Gavril Falk of Lachwa ,
also known as the 'Weezer Rebbe'...now let your chassidish adventures begin, your talmidim are waiting!

http://bangitout.com/script/hassidname.php

Saw this on a blog today. Although I was annoyed by the little dig against Oakland, it's probably from years ago (Biggy Smalls, hello!?!?) and it's pretty funny to see rap lyrics interpreted in such a deadpan way... Here's a sample.

Lyrics:

First things first, I poppa, freaks all the honeys
Dummies - playboy bunnies, those wantin’ money
Those the ones I like ‘cause they don’t get nuthin’
But penetration, unless it smells like sanitation
Garbage, I turn like doorknobs
Heart throb, never, black and ugly as ever
However, I stay coochied down to the socks
Rings and watch filled with rocks

TRANSLATION:

As a general rule, I perform deviant sexual acts with women of all kinds, including but not limited to those with limited intellect, nude magazine models, and prostitutes. I particularly enjoy sexual encounters with the latter group as they are generally disappointed in the fact that they only receive penile intercourse and nothing more, unless of course, they douche on a consistent basis. Although I am extremely unattractive, I am able to engage in these types of sexual acts with some regularity. Perhaps my sexuality is somehow related to my fancy and expensive jewelry.